Archive for category Conflict
Learning to trust your leaders
I have a good friend who is one of the most gifted worship leaders I have every had the privilege to work with. He has an amazing ability to connect with people in worship. He is also an amazing example of what it means to be a servant of the Lord. I have learned so much from him as we have served together over the years.
I didn’t always appreciate this individual the way I do now. In fact we had a very difficult time working together at the beginning. The church had brought me on as the worship director and this individual as the program director and part time worship leader. Sounded great on paper, but we never defined anything. I was always stepping on his toes and he was stepping on mine. It created an environment of insecurity and frustration. My friend was growing into an amazing worship leader, but I was holding on so tightly to my “role” that I was oblivious to what God was doing. The tension in the situation just continued to build.
Over the months of tension it brought us to a crossroads in which we both realized that our insecurities and weaknesses were actually the other persons strengths. In that moment I realized that success and failure came down to my willingness to submit to the Lord and to submit to those who had strengths that I didn’t have.
What an amazing transformation in the relationship as well as the ministry. Genuine friendship, team oriented ministry, and more authentic worship both from the stage as well as the congregation…. but most importantly… trust.
They say that trust in earned. That was really the case in my situation. Learning to be humble and submit will go a long way in building those critical relationships and leaders in your ministry.
The telephone game- The dangers of gossip in a worship team.
Posted by admin in Conflict, Observations on July 29th, 2009
Ever play the game telephone? You know the one where you have a big group of people and someone tells the first person a secret and it is whispered person to person until it gets to the end? Did it ever end up being the same phrase you started with? What starts out “the sky is blue” ends up “i like the zoo”.
Worship teams are great at playing this game in real life. Some people call it telephone. Others call it church gossip or triangulation. Getting info or sharing info with everyone but the people involved is never a helpful activity in a creative ministry. The ironic part, is that it usually happens with out people even realizing it.
Let me give you a scenario… You’re at worship rehearsal and time comes to share prayer requests. Then someone says “have you heard what’s going on with Tom? (fictitious bass player)”. Everyone leans forward to hear the details. “I heard from my friend Sandy who talked to one of Tom’s co-workers and they said that Tom got called into the CEO’s office for a closed door meeting…. We really need to pray for him! That usually only happens when someone is in a lot of trouble. Also we need to keep this confidential. Tom doesn’t know we know anything…” Immediately, everyone is concerned and prays for Tom.
At first pass that sounds ok. Here is a band member, that everyone cares about, who might be in some trouble. People are concerned and it seems logical to share whatever information is available so we can pray accurately…. right? Not always… The reason this can be so unhealthy is because the information rarely stops being shared when it is supposed to. Confidential doesn’t really mean much in a church or in a ministry setting. In the same way concerns are shared in one setting, they will be shared in outside settings as a prayer request, as a concern and as something that needs to be kept quiet. There is also the tendency for the information to change each time it is shared. Before we know what has happened, the entire team is under the impression that Tom is going to be fired for having done something really bad. How can a team undo all of the (well intentioned) misinformation that was spread about Tom? What happens when Tom finds out everyone mistakenly thought he was doing something bad? What happens when everyone finds out Tom actually got a great promotion and that nothing was wrong at all?
This kind of stuff happens in worship teams periodically. It is just part of working with people… So how do you stop things before they get out of hand? Simple…. DISCONNECT THE TELEPHONE!
Remind your team that information that does not build up the team will only break it down. Encourage people to personally share what they are going through instead of passing the info through others. Reinforce the go-to principle which tells people to go to the person you’ve heard is struggling to find out if they are ok, instead of just passing the info on. Lastly, remind people that unless they are not part of the problem or part of the solution, they have no reason to share information about someone else.
Worship Scars – how unresolved hurts can ruin future ministry
If you’ve been involved in ministry for any length of time then you’ve probably been hurt by someone. For some people it might have been something that was easy to get over and move on to the next thing. For others, the hurts were deeper and left scars which limit your ability to trust.
For me, the hurts in ministry were overwhelming. The results created division in the church, in my family and in myself. I was so confused how ministry leaders could turn on each other. In leaving the ministry I had worked so hard to build, I rushed into another worship pastor position for vindication. I needed to prove to myself that I was right. I needed to defend my reputation and show people I had what it took to get the job done. My response was normal, but it was wrong.
Over the last few years, I have come to realize how normal it is to be hurt in ministry. I have come to know dozens of worship guys to have all gone through very hurtful situations in their ministries. It is interesting how worship leaders are impacted so differently by hurts. Some are still in ministry. They seem more thankful for the privilege and call God has given them. Some are no longer in vocational ministry, but they still long to be used by God, looking for opportunities to serve whenever they can. Some are still mending their wounds and asking the questions we’ve all asked after being hurt. Some have taken a huge step into the pleasures of this world while still holding on (by a thread) to the church. These guys are the ones who are the hardest to help. They know all the right words, scriptures, songs, etc, yet they are blinded by their own scars.
It is this last group that has really effected me lately. I have a few friends who were hurt in ministry and reacted by running as far as they could from the church. The results were bad… Infidelity, pride, deception, addiction, etc. They seem to be living out a lifestyle that is directly opposed to the ministry they were serving in. These are people that I’ve looked up to, respected, and supported. How does this happen? I am really not sure. But I know that past ministry hurts, bitterness and unforgiveness have played a role in each of these unfortunate situations.
It has become a good reminder to me that as we go through situations that cause us pain, regardless of the cause, we need to take the time to properly heal, otherwise our hurts can turn to anger and then resentment and then bitterness. Sometime our hurts are the results of our sin while other times they are the results of someone else’s actions.
If you are in a situation where you have been hurt or are hurting. Take the time to get right. Take the time to forgive. Take the time to ask forgiveness. Take the time to heal. And take the time to see what God is teaching about your pain.
Worship Team Conflict – Embrace conflict as part of ministry growth.
Posted by admin in Conflict, Observations on February 18th, 2009
Conflict is never fun. Most of us avoid it at all costs, especially if we are in ministry. But in a creative ministry it is inevitable. I had an experience with conflict that really opened my eyes to the brighter side of interpersonal entanglements. It allowed me to view conflict as a tool to healthy growth instead of something negative.
Our worship team was really growing. Lots of people getting involved, seeing God working in hearts. It was really exciting. I came to the realization that we had too many people participating within one team. It was getting very inefficient and limiting for growth. So I made a decision to expand the teams so that there was room for growth as well as room for leaders to be placed in key roles to support all the new volunteers. Everything seemed to make sense.
The day came to share the changes with the worship team. Before rehearsal started, I explained that I would be making some changes to allow some new people to participate, and that there would be some new leaders that would take on roles to help out. Everyone was very excited and there was good discussion. Suddenly, one of the team members stands up, looks around and asks ” Does anyone else have a problem with what Jason is doing?”. This team member was a very tall and rather intimidating individual. This brought the positive discussion to an abrupt halt. Everyone started looking around non verbally asking the question “What just happened?”. One at time, the other team members voiced their support for the changes and eventually the individual who had the issue sat down, visibly frustrated that others had not supported him.
There was such an awkwardness in the room. I had no idea what do. I was pretty new in ministry and I didn’t know this individual very well. The entire team was looking at me to do something to resolve the situation and I was looking for the door.
I made the decision to ask the individual who had caused the disruption to step into the other room. It would put the meeting on hold, but I felt that the incident required immediate action. So we went into the other room and sat down. I took a few minutes to hear his concerns, I acknowledged his frustration and apologized if I had been insensitive to his perspective. Then I firmly stated that my decision had been made and that it was his choice to cheerfully support it or he could walk out the door.
What happened next is what really amazed me. I expected a strong reaction from this person, but surprisingly received one of genuine support. In the end, I realized that this individual really only wanted me to hear him. He didn’t care about getting his way. He just wanted to know that I valued him and his participation.
This forever changed my perspective about conflict. Even though dealing with conflict is never fun, it can grow everyone involved in ways that are really beneficial.
Next time you have to deal with some conflict, try going into it with a little different perspective. The outcome may be just what you need to grow.