If you’ve been involved in ministry for any length of time then you’ve probably been hurt by someone. For some people it might have been something that was easy to get over and move on to the next thing. For others, the hurts were deeper and left scars which limit your ability to trust.
For me, the hurts in ministry were overwhelming. The results created division in the church, in my family and in myself. I was so confused how ministry leaders could turn on each other. In leaving the ministry I had worked so hard to build, I rushed into another worship pastor position for vindication. I needed to prove to myself that I was right. I needed to defend my reputation and show people I had what it took to get the job done. My response was normal, but it was wrong.
Over the last few years, I have come to realize how normal it is to be hurt in ministry. I have come to know dozens of worship guys to have all gone through very hurtful situations in their ministries. It is interesting how worship leaders are impacted so differently by hurts. Some are still in ministry. They seem more thankful for the privilege and call God has given them. Some are no longer in vocational ministry, but they still long to be used by God, looking for opportunities to serve whenever they can. Some are still mending their wounds and asking the questions we’ve all asked after being hurt. Some have taken a huge step into the pleasures of this world while still holding on (by a thread) to the church. These guys are the ones who are the hardest to help. They know all the right words, scriptures, songs, etc, yet they are blinded by their own scars.
It is this last group that has really effected me lately. I have a few friends who were hurt in ministry and reacted by running as far as they could from the church. The results were bad… Infidelity, pride, deception, addiction, etc. They seem to be living out a lifestyle that is directly opposed to the ministry they were serving in. These are people that I’ve looked up to, respected, and supported. How does this happen? I am really not sure. But I know that past ministry hurts, bitterness and unforgiveness have played a role in each of these unfortunate situations.
It has become a good reminder to me that as we go through situations that cause us pain, regardless of the cause, we need to take the time to properly heal, otherwise our hurts can turn to anger and then resentment and then bitterness. Sometime our hurts are the results of our sin while other times they are the results of someone else’s actions.
If you are in a situation where you have been hurt or are hurting. Take the time to get right. Take the time to forgive. Take the time to ask forgiveness. Take the time to heal. And take the time to see what God is teaching about your pain.
You are so right, I have seen it first hand myself, too many times. I was hurt by the way my Youth Pastor was treated by my old church, as an Elder I could not continue to worship at that church as I felt I could not meet at the Lord’s table with Pastors and the other Elder’s. I was not the recepient of the treatment, but I still hold the scars from it. I have been asked by two different churches since to be an Elder and I have refused because of this.
I think what hurts most is that these are the last people in the World you would expect to act like this. That we hold a sacred bond, and a trust which you see being broken, you see the opposite of love. When faced with this the only thing to do is run, as you don’t want to think of Christ’s Bride as ugly, she should be spotless, white, pure and beautiful.
The only thing you can do is move on and be around people who fit that model, but you ask, what about reconciliation? How do you forgive? How do you restore fellowship with these people? How do you remove the hurt? The Pain?
This is where a wise scriptual answer comes next, where God’s wisdom intercedes, the Holy Spirit reveals a Spititual Truth, sorry I am still a work in hand! I would love to hear how others have mastered this part in their lives.
This yound man (the Youth Pastor) has moved on and has testimony of how God has worked in HIs life, but I still have a problem with Christian leaders who demonstrate ethics and practice far below the Worlds standards let alone Christ’s. As Church leadership we take on an extra responsibility in that we are Christ’s representatives on earth, the Word talks about this in reference to teachers and handling the accurately, but surely our actions are a reflection of HIs Word? I see no excuse for this kind of action and believe it should be confronted publicly within the church following Matthews conflict and discipline guidance in his Gospel.
Thanks Jason for being so honest and transparent about your own experience. Since the day I was saved which is a little over 30 years ago, I was involved in ministry, which nobody told me to do, I just wanted to, after all that The Lord had done to save me. I was involved in quite a lot of music ministry and always had the best of experiences, coupled with a lot of encouragement from people until I was asked to assist at a church which totally tore my heart out because of the head trips the ’senior’ pastor was on, only to be found out that he was hiding a very gross, secret sin years later. I really wish that church had tried to reconcile things with me after everything had been brought to light. I forgave this man in the first month following my resignation; a pastorate which only lasted 5 months (the shortest ministry experience ever). Since that time I have seemed lost and out of place, out of touch and just plain feeling that the best years of my life are behind me and at 46, that’s kinda’ grim. Presently, my wife and kids and myself are attending a church but nobody knows us that well and it is a large church. I miss playing and teaching but when you’re in a large church, most of the key figures have been in place for years and I’m not one to promote myself so I just feel like I’m invisible at this stage in my life. I realize that God is always working even through the pauses in our lives and I continue to trust Him.
you make a good point at the begining. I have been waiting to read something like this online. BUT found 1 problem. It is very very easy to write “just forgive” as the good ol’ advice. But thats not what hurting people wana hear in this case. What you should have written was. Forgivin comes last. Think about it. WHen we finally surrender to ourselves (sin) which include anger towards these people) and we realize who God is, we fall to our knees because we serve a powerful GOd, then we come to realize that sin is in people and then at that point is when we forgive is when we notice that people are not perfect, people will disappoint us espeically in the ministry, espeically being leader in the church, satan is in the church too if you havent noticed. Thats when forgiviness starts to enter the heart when we know that GOd will take care of our enemies. You as a experienced leader should know the process and to be careful to put something so simple on ur website like “just forgive” this is waht pushes christians away by this phrase, because at the moment in anger this is the last thing they want to do.
God bless